Learn exactly why your dog ignores you and not your husband. And discover how you can gain the respect of your dog so that he will listen to you too!
As a dog parent, it’s natural to want your fur baby to shower you with affection and undivided attention. However, it can be disheartening when your dog seems to prefer your spouse’s company over yours…
This is something that many dog trainers hear on a daily basis… My dog ignores me but loves my husband (or vice versa).
Why? What am I doing wrong?
You are not alone. This happens in most ‘two-parent doggie’ households.
This mystery behavior might be attributed to a fascinating phenomenon known as dog imprinting or your dog is ignoring you because he sees your husband as the pack leader or Alpha and not you. It doesn’t mean he loves your husband more than he loves you, he just sees more value and dominance in him than he does in you.
Ask yourself these questions?
Am I strict with our dog and make him mind?
Do I spend more time training our dog?
or
Am I the one or does more cuddling and giving more ‘lovins’?
Do I let him get away with more?
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Dog Imprinting
Imprinting is a crucial stage in a dog’s early development, where they form strong bonds with specific individuals during their critical socialization period, typically occurring between 3 and 16 weeks of age.
During imprinting, a dog learns to identify and trust certain people as their primary caregivers and companions. If your dog shows a stronger connection with your husband, it might be due to various factors such as the amount of time spent together during the critical socialization period, the nature of interactions, or simply personality compatibility.
Rest assured, however, that this doesn’t mean your dog doesn’t love you. It’s important to understand that dogs can form multiple attachments and loving relationships with different family members including you.
So, could it be that your dog has imprinted on your husband? Possibly…
Dogs are like children.
I want you to think about it like this… dogs are a LOT like children. They not only act like them but they also think like them. If you have a child and your husband is the one who is more strict and does the disciplining and you have a more laid back parenting approach then chances are your child is going to listen more to your husband than to you.
Dogs are no different. If your husband is the one who is stricter on your dog then your dog will view him as the pack leader and he will learn that he needs to listen more to him than you.
By stricter I mean, making your dog have good manners (not allowing your dog to pull you on the leash, making your dog sit and wait before eating, making your dog sit and wait before going out doors, etc.), telling your dog no and correcting the unwanted behaviors.
Training should be done by both parents.
For children to respect and listen to both parents in a household both parents need to be practicing the same teaching and training methods. They should be equally strict in disciplining their children and teaching their children good manners.
Once again, dog training is no different. Both doggie parents need to be spending an equal amount of time training their dog. If this doesn’t happen you will see that the dog will begin listening to one parent more than the other.
In your case, your dog is listening to your husband.
When you both participate in training your dog, he will have a greater respect for you both and will listen to you both. If he only has one person training him then he learns that he must listen to the one person over the other or else he will be corrected and won’t be given what he wants until he does what he is supposed to.
Your dog’s training should also be the taught the same throughout the entire household. If you have children, teach your children your training methods and allow them to take part in their training as well (my children love when they get to take part in our dog’s training).
This not only helps teach your children important skills but it also allows your dog to listen to everyone in the household. Doing this also ensures your dog doesn’t get confused with any commands or is being taught bad manners while you aren’t looking.
For example you are teaching your dog not to get on the furniture but when you aren’t around your children let them on the couch. This causes the dog confusion and they don’t know which one is right or wrong.
RELATED: Should I Let my Dog on the Couch? (The Answer Revealed!)
(All of my children are respected by our German Shepherd. With that said, my 9 year old daughter has better control over our German Shepherd than most adult dog owners and even her older brothers because she is more firm in her tone when giving him commands).
How to get your dog to listen to you too!
You may be thinking that you will never get your dog to listen to you because he doesn’t love you like he loves your husband. The truth is your dog doesn’t hate you and he loves you just as much as your spouse. You just haven’t fully gained his respect.
For lack of words you are going to show your dog who is boss.
First, you will want to be sure that you are dedicating the same amount of time into training your dog as your husband.
While working on obedience training with your dog, start with just you and your dog.
Take your dog into a room or somewhere there aren’t any distractions and make sure you have a high-value treat (a treat they REALLY love) or it can be their favorite toy.
RELATED: How do You Figure Out What Treats Your Dog Likes Best for Training Success?
Doing this will help show your dog that you are a leader of the pack just like your husband.
If you have your husband in the room with you your dog may look to your husband to determine what he should do (waiting for him to say a command). You don’t want him to do this because then he may start listening to you BUT only if your husband is next to you.
Be firm in your tone. As I tell my husband, my children and anyone who tries to give my dog a command, speak with intent. If you barely or sweetly say no, there is a good chance they will be like a child and do it anyways. BUT… when you say NO in a firm voice, with intent (not yelling) then just as with your child they will look at you and think twice about continuing what they are doing.
Be patient and consistent. It will take some time and patience but if you do this everyday (in small training sessions) you will see a difference in how your dog listens to you.
If you are still struggling getting your dog to listen to you, turn obedience training into fun games. This make training easier and less stressful for you and shows your dog that listening to you is fun and rewarding. You become valuable to your fur baby! I highly recommend this program- Brain Training for Dogs. This dog training program incorporates fun games while helping you deal with all kinds of behavior problems including your dog not listening to you.
And before you know it you your dog will no longer be ignoring you and listening to you just like he does your beloved spouse.
Why does my dog love my husband more?
Like children, dogs may choose times where they are a momma’s boy/girl or a daddy’s boy/girl. Either way that doesn’t mean that they love one of you more than the other. Maybe they have seen you all day and daddy comes home and they get so excited to see him. Or when daddy plops down on the couch your dog plops right down next to him or even tries to sit on his lap.
My advice: Just like with children- Don’t take it personal! Continue working on positive reinforcement obedience training. Keep showing your dog love, attention, affection. You are bonding with your dog even if you don’t think you are.
I have learned that dogs will favor one person over the other for certain things or at certain times.
For example: I am the dog handler in the house, meaning I have done most of the training. You may find our dog follows me to the bathroom or sits at my feet while I am doing dishes. He doesn’t do this with my husband (then again the dishes would be irrelevant because my husband doesn’t do them. lol).
But you will find our dog jump on my husband’s lap ready to play or laying beside him on the couch.
Don’t let the excitement of your dog with your husband lead you to think that he doesn’t love you.
How dogs choose their favorite person
Here is a great and interesting video to watch that explains how dogs choose their favorite person…
Conclusion.
You are not alone when you wonder why does my dog ignore me but loves my husband.
It is one of the top questions owners ask dog trainers about. The #1 reason why your dog ignores you is because they don’t perceive you as their alpha or pack leader.
With a little bit of time, patience and obedience training you can turn this situation around and see just how much your dog really does love you too!
Are you experiencing or have you experienced a similar situation where your dog seems to ignore you but shows overwhelming affection towards someone else in the family? What steps have you taken to bridge the gap and strengthen your bond with your fur baby? Share your insights and experiences in the comments below; I’d love to hear your stories!
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Hi, can I ask, i have the same problem but my dog does not want to be anywhere near me. Even my husband remarked he just tolerates me petting him or being near him. I am at home during the day and when my husband is at work the dog still does not seek out any attention from me apart from in the kitchen!
I initiate play, I feed him and try to interact but I just get the side eye, yawns and lip licking whereas he will sit with his head in my husbands lap begging for strokes.
Short background: He is a rescue dog from the streets of spain and sent to us in the uk, 2yrs old when we got him, very fear reactive to strangers ,& does not want to walk outside apart from toilet.
Hi Rosie,
It sounds me me like you are headed in the right direction despite the feeling that you are not. Will he play when you initiate it? And do you feed him in the kitchen?
How is training going? Does your husband work with him more with training? Does he respond to you when you give him a command?
Can I ask how long you have had him? When you get a rescue dog, time and patience is your best friend. On average it takes a rescue 3 days to decompress, 3 weeks to start getting into a routine and 3 months to feel at home, for some even longer (up to a year). The 3-3-3 Rule. It may take 3 months for your dog to start really bonding with you.
Your fur baby has been through a lot and he is older. He is likely very stressed between his street life, traveling and being in a new area and home. Everything is different for him which can be very nerve-wracking.
At this stage he may feel more comfortable with your husband. It is very possible that in his life he could have had a male owner and feels more connected.
My advice right now is to not be too overbearing, what I mean by that is to give him space to soak things in and watch you. You can still pet him and initiate play as long as he is receiving and open to it. Don’t force it in the beginning. Slow movements to not scare him. If he side eyes you, he is really just trying to figure you out. He is unsure (of everything including you).
Try feeding your dog in different areas of your house. Will he take food from your hand? You can skip “feeding” all together and use feeding time as training time. Or you can use half his meal to do this.
As far as going outside, start small aside from potty time. Sit out on the porch or by the back door with it open. Just sit and let him observe. Give him with treats just for just sitting or laying down and watching/observing. First do this where you won’t have people walking by if you live in an area where this happens (because he is reactive to strangers).
The main goal right now is getting your dog comfortable with you, his new home and his surroundings.
Keep your head up and be patient. I know it doesn’t seem like your dog loves you right now but in time he will come around and he will be all over you.
Lisa Marie